apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
