im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize