I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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