I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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