the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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