1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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