She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
