She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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