You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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