i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was CRYING into my vagina
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
