I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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