i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
