I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
