At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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