Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
