Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
