Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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