I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
