After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
