If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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