her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
