Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize