I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i came on her dog
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
