WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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