I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
