My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
