So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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