Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
