Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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