3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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