Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot

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(512): View more from Texas

I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

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(408): View more from California

you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face

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(469): View more from Texas

I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.

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(914): View more from New York

Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.

(1-914): View more from New York

You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.

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(619): View more from California

I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.

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(443): View more from Maryland

the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.

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