Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
