I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
