You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
