so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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