We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
