I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
