You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
