i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
