But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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