If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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