We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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