Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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