I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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