your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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