Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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