Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
