Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
