I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
