im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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