the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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