pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
