I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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