i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
