I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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