if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All the doctor said was why
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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