Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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