a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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