i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
