Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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