his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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