I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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