I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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