If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
