I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
